Oh, luv I am so so sorry. I wish I could think of something to say that would make you feel better, but I know that's not possible. Losing a family member is the most traumatic thing in the world - I don't think there's anything worse. Be strong for your kids and try to keep your chin up. I lost my mom several years ago, and it was like getting punched in the stomach over and over and over again - I've never felt pain like that before and I don't ever want to experience it again. So I can't say I know how you feel, but I know what you're going through, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.